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12 November 2007 @ 12:21 pm
On zombies...  
Zombies.

What's up with that?

They surround some guy and the camera cuts away and then you see them gnawing on his brains.

WHAT?

Most of the time you don't see them with any weapons, not they're supposed to be smart enough to use anything more advanced than a cudgel. But most of the time they're not even carrying that. So what are we supposed to think? They simply gnawed their way into the human skull? Teeth aren't that strong, even assuming they had super strong jaw muscles because of the zombification. Imagine trying to chew through a human skull. You'd be there forever! And the poor victim is sitting there in the middle of the zombies... looking at his watch... tapping his feet... "will these zombies NEVER eat my brain?" Or is there some guy with a big rock that just goes around from group to group like a maitre d' popping each victim on the head?
 
 
Current Mood: thoughtfulthoughty
Current Music: "Re: Your Brains" by Jonathan Coulton
 
 
 
Egregiously Mislabeled Taxidriverbrendo on November 12th, 2007 08:46 pm (UTC)
....They smash his head on the ground till he pops?
Fritters: TT Raven Ehhhrrr by ellonwyefritters on November 12th, 2007 09:02 pm (UTC)
Yet they always seem to be in the same positions when we cut back, aren't they? Do they have TIME for that? Are they intelligent enough for that? If you were acting on instinct and just popped someone's head open on the ground, wouldn't you stay down there to eat the brains instead of pulling the poor guy up to standing again? Not sure I buy it.

But I hate zombies, zombie films, and other monsters that are zombie-like, so leave it to me to go all around crying "it doesn't make sense!"
Egregiously Mislabeled Taxidriverbrendo on November 12th, 2007 09:29 pm (UTC)
Oh, you're talking about standing... I was thinking about the ones they drag to the ground.

Anyway, maybe being a zombie is like having a seizure- physical strength becomes increased several times over. Couple of good punches and they might get through. Plus the skull in certain areas is actually eggshell-thin IIRC.
Fritters: TT BB Confused by shamanic_nurikofritters on November 12th, 2007 09:31 pm (UTC)
So you think they just hammer about until they find a thin spot?
Egregiously Mislabeled Taxidriverbrendo on November 12th, 2007 09:39 pm (UTC)
Possible.

That or through some sort of "zombie instinct," they already know.

On the other hand, in every movie and on practically every victim you see the head opened up in a different spot. Tippity-top of the head seems popular, which is decidedly NOT the weak point.
Fritters: TT BB ergh? by ellonwyefritters on November 12th, 2007 09:57 pm (UTC)
So the blame should be rested on movie-makers and we should assume zombies are better prepared for brain-eating than they're made out to be?
Egregiously Mislabeled Taxidriverbrendo on November 13th, 2007 01:00 am (UTC)
No way to know, really.

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that finding researchers willing to observe zombie attacks in order to find out is going to be tough.
Frittersfritters on November 13th, 2007 02:01 am (UTC)
Wusses.

"We do what we must because we can, for the good of all of us, except the ones who are dead."

It's in the name of science!
Vocabulary/Back Scritches: brain bleach!spazzychic on November 12th, 2007 08:50 pm (UTC)

They tend to have super strength so I think they sorta just grab and pull. Maybe they squeeze like an otter pop.
Fritters: Ed Thinking by Frittersfritters on November 12th, 2007 09:04 pm (UTC)
THERE'S an image! 0_o

Are the bones in human hands strong enough for that, though? Even with super strength, the muscles can only make the bones move as far as the strength of the bones will allow before cracking.

I suppose I could have summed up the entire post by just posting "Zombies are illogical!!" but that wouldn't have led to interesting conversations...
postrophe on November 13th, 2007 04:47 am (UTC)
Zombies wouldn't care if their bones cracked. But the main logic flaw is the brain is the consistency of jello, and wouldn't take that kind of head-abuse and be so easily edible anyway.. no matter what method they used.
Fritters: TT Raven Ehhhrrr by ellonwyefritters on November 13th, 2007 06:20 am (UTC)
It doesn't matter how soft the inside of the cadbury egg is, you still have to get through the chocolate somewhere to reach it.
postrophe on November 13th, 2007 08:26 am (UTC)
I just imagine them using that much force - and then all confused and "butwhere'ditgo?"
Lonewulflonewulf on November 13th, 2007 07:14 am (UTC)
It the rarified martial arts competition
Of object breaking, they break objects with the equivalent density/strength of the human skull all the time. So yes, if a person who can feel pain can break those types of objects with normal human strength, then a zombie, with no ability of feeling pain and superhuman strength, should easily be able to break someone's skull without much effort.... ;) (either that or the person just wanted to give the zombies a piece of his mind....)
Frittersfritters on November 13th, 2007 07:15 am (UTC)
Re: It the rarified martial arts competition
Do they have the speed for it? It requires speed, right? I'm assuming the shambling means they have no real speed or coordination...
pi216 on November 12th, 2007 09:15 pm (UTC)
It all comes down to unnatural selection.

Zombie infestations always get off to a slow start, right? That's because of lack of standardization: some small hordes will have a zombie with a properly-shaped trepanation club for starters, and some won't. So while the poorly-equipped hordes struggle, the well-equipped hordes are just tearing around rolling in all the brains they can handle.

Gradually, the selective advantage given to the coincidentally-well-equipped zombies will lead to their hordes becoming more dominant across all varieties of hordes, and eventually the primary, previously-selective-but-now-standard trait in these growing, roving 'superhordes' will be possession and proper use of skull-breaching implements.
Fritters: Muttley Laugh - I have no idea who madefritters on November 12th, 2007 09:24 pm (UTC)
Very nice! So you support the maitre d' angle?

The zombies ought to have little zombie-language flyers that say "start with the ones in the white lab jackets..."
pi216 on November 12th, 2007 09:34 pm (UTC)
a pamphlet entitled, "So You're Looking For Brains..."
'Maitre d'' has such a deliberate feel to it. And somehow vaguely inaccurate, too. 'Unintentional brain sommelier', maybe?

"Here, let me open that for you! *stumble* Oh, his driver's license says he's from 1982, he's a VERY good year for that region."

I think it boils down to one of three things: 1. tool-based assistance (which gives the accidental evolution line), 2. picking off the fragile-skulled first (yet we see so few osteoporotic and neonatal zombies), or 3. a specious link between zombies and obligate brain consumption. I mean, zombie-ism passes between hosts without brain consumption; maybe it's a much-sought-after delicacy, rather than a staple?

*cue tuxedo'ed shambling horde muttering "Fois gras! Fois gras!"*.
Dessie Octavia: Out of the Gene Pool!dessieoctavia on November 12th, 2007 09:53 pm (UTC)
Re: a pamphlet entitled, "So You're Looking For Brains..."
*blinkblink*

OK, you are my zombie expert from now on.
Fritters: Heroes - YATTA! by Frittersfritters on November 12th, 2007 09:58 pm (UTC)
Re: a pamphlet entitled, "So You're Looking For Brains..."
FTW.

No other comment.

That is FTW.
postrophe on November 13th, 2007 04:44 am (UTC)
Re: a pamphlet entitled, "So You're Looking For Brains..."
I always picture a tragic-looking zombie, dripping in brainy goodness, sobbing through ill-used lips something like

"...when I eat it, I almost remember..."

and then going all no-brainer again...
...hey, maybe that's a zombie-derived slang term?
Lonewulflonewulf on November 13th, 2007 07:17 am (UTC)
How about something you never see...
a vegetarian zombie munching on a corpse flower.....
pi216 on November 13th, 2007 01:09 pm (UTC)
Vegan zombie: "GRAAAAAAAAAAINS!"
Frittersfritters on November 13th, 2007 08:16 pm (UTC)
Re: How about something you never see...
I would welcome that. I watched Shawn because I expected a lot of humor, but there was like 5 real jokes in it...