Fritters (fritters) wrote,

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Some textiness left over from class...

For my Desktop Publishing class we were supposed to come up with a bunch of text for a brochure we were going to make. We're not actually printing them, darn it, and mine came out pretty ugly anyways, but I thought I would share the text I came up and some of the images I put into the brochure Because They Amuse Me and I thought they might amuse some of y'all.

Page 1: Supposed to be just the name of the business, a logo if you want, and the industry if needed...

Page 2: Supposed to be several paragraphs about the history of the industry the company is in.


In 63 BC, Strabo wrote of a Libyan animal that was bred for the purpose of hunting and put into rabbit holes. Historians have researched the writings of Strabo and have come to the conclusion that this is the first reference to domesticated ferrets in history. From this evidence, we know that ferrets have been domesticated and beside humankind for thousands of years. Yet, throughout the history of man, no one has had a solution to the FerretFunk TM that accompanied our funny ferret friends.

In 1812, though, an eminent veterinarian, Dr. Hughbert Fronkenfortle came up with the bright idea of bathing ferrets in a basin! He immediately borrowed a patient's polecat, some say the animal's name was "Turtle", and attempted to clean the patient with a mixture of some leftover spring water and a bar of disinfecting soap. After he mended his wounds, the industry of ferret hygiene services was born! From that illustrious day, advances have been made on a regular basis in this field.

Starting from delicate yet problematic porcelain basins, through the bathing tubs of Frankfurt, the advances of the ferret hygiene services have come a long way. The loud, clanking machines of the 20's frightened many a housepet, and the wacky ferret-fur dyes from the late 60's made sure that your favorite pet matched your favorite love beads. With the current advances, the proud and thoughtful industry of ferret hygiene continues to make incredible strides.

Page 3: Supposed to be all about why people should use your business...


No one cares more for your frisky ferret friend than Fanny Foster's Fancy Ferrets! Our employees are required to go through a grueling 4 week course on the proper ferret handling and etiquette techniques. Only after proving their excellence in nail trimming, fur styling and Fancy Hat Application TM are our employees allowed the pleasure of meeting your beloved pet.

Your ferret begins with a short acclimation session with our stylists, so they never know it's coming when they get tossed into the WeaselWasher3000 TM. After 30 minutes of spinning and tossing with their new polecat buddies, your pet is removed and dried with our 50,000 horsepower Ultra Dryer TM. Then, their nails are trimmed in our posh salon, where the color of your choice can be applied to their claws, for that Ultra Fancy TM touch. Last, before we place your pet in the Polecat Playroom TM to await your return, we lightly mist them with our scientifically formulated FreshMaxX TM, removing any last lingering FerretFunk TM.

With all the care and love and attention to detail we show your beloved pet, you may wonder why our prices are so low? VOLUME! We can fit over 30 ferrets into the WeaselWasher 3000 TM, on a good day, and we pass the savings on to you! No one can wash more ferrets in a day than your friends at Fanny Foster's Fancy Ferrets!


Page 4: Contact info...


Fanny Foster's Fancy Ferrets
10542 Polecat Pl.
Mustelid, CA 91731


A division of PepsiCo.


Page 5: Testimonials and suchlike...


"We were concerned about the dumping of over 20 ferrets into one huge machine, but our Tinky and Woopsie were returned to us so fresh and frisky that we won't go anywhere else anymore!"

Helenetta Frumpchion

"I won't take my ferret Slim anywhere else. Fanny's is the only place that can keep him smelling fresh as a daisy."

Socrates T. Poole

"The prices at Fanny Foster's were so much lower than we expected, that we could afford to purchase a sombrero and a fez for our ferret after the services were totalled!"

John Calvin

"Am I writing a testimonial?"

Susan Russell


And page 6 was the address again, but y'all saw it...

I hope that amuses someone...

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